the woman with a million hats

I’m sure I’m not the first woman to feel overwhelmed.  Many of us have a lot of roles to play - mother, wife, career woman, student, child of God just to name a few. I'm not even wearing the mommy hat full time either.  Can't imagine how neurotic I'd be then!

So, this week was very emotional for me.  I really want to blame it on pms but unfortunately the days just don’t add up for that “out” clause.  It was my first week back to school.  For those of you who might not know, I am starting my 2nd semester as a nursing student.  It’s a lot of work to say the least. And it’s different than anything I’ve studied before - I can’t just cram the night before and then not care if I retain anything at all.  I actually have lives counting on me.  The cost to not know your stuff is just too high.  Not only that but Garry and I launched The Lampstand this week - love god and love people.  that’s what it’s about. if you’re down with that, feel free to check it out www.thelampstand.tv and join along for the ride.

In nursing, we make some diagnoses. As I was shedding a tear or two (or five) the other night, I diagnosed myself.  I had caregiver role strain.  Now, I know that I’m not the literal caregiver for anyone, but the point is that I was having anxiety about my ability to fulfill all the hats that I wear.

How am I going to continue to do well in school while running a ministry?
How am I going to make time to love on my husband regularly and put him first in my heart even though my day is largely taken up by other things?
How am I going to have time to make myself available to build real relationships with women here in Atlanta that I so desperately want and need? 
What about exercise? My personal relationship with God? Being involved in our local church? 

Your list may not look like mine, but I know you can relate to the myriad of things that tug at you everyday. And its not like I am filling up my days with things that are unimportant.  All of these things are important and things that I know God cares about.

After ruminating a while on this, I heard that quiet voice in my heart.  The God voice.  The voice that I’ve learned over the years to distinguish from my own internal voice.  It nudged at me, asking to be let in.  He reminded me that he wanted to be my sustainer.  That I needed to let him be my sustainer. I dont know why I get here so often. You would think after all these years walking with Jesus that I would know better.  But he still has to nudge me and remind me that I’m trying to do it on my own again, that he’s there, that he wants to help me and that I have to let him.

I’m not the greatest at relinquishing control - and Garry will definitely attest to this :)  But I know that I have to relinquish control to God in my heart everyday in order for me not be completely exhausted or stressed.  That’s why I gave my life to him in the first place interestingly- so I didn’t have to feel like my life was completely based on my efforts.  I wanted to know that I was playing on Gods team now, and he would go to bat for me.

“Not by power, nor by might, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts.”  That’s our theme for the year.  I’m really looking forward to it even though I know some days will be more frustrating than others. But one thing I do know is that God WILL empower me to wear these hats and wear them well if I just position myself (prayer, worship, time in the Bible) to receive that empowerment.

If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading.  And feel free to ask me how my “positioning” is going. Accountability is always a good thing! :)