The Gospel in Marriage

Over the last few weeks, the topic of marriage has come up quite a bit.  I've been thinking about my own marriage.  I've been talking with friends about their marriages.  And with all this conversation, I've come to one major realization that I wanted to share today.  But first, a disclaimer. 

Marriage is the hardest job you'll ever love. 

There's no way around the fact that any marriage will have extremely challenging points.  Marriage stretches us and gives us the opportunity to confront some not-so-pretty-things about ourselves.  As the saying goes, "If you want to know how selfish you really are, get married." Now, with that said, it also has to be pointed out that not all marriages experience the same level of difficulty.  And while I could spend time writing about cutesie practical ways to help make your marriage better (like sending sweet notes in a lunchbox), if you consider yourself a Christian, it really all comes down to this:

The more firmly rooted you and your spouse are in the gospel, the more easily you will weather the obstacles of marriage and the more satisfying your marriage will be. 

Notice that I didn't say the more active you and your spouse are in your church or the more accountability partners you guys have in your lives.  Not that building community within a local church body should be neglected by any means!  It's so so (did I mention SO) important.  But without a deep personal connectedness to the gospel message, even these good activities will only be able to produce a certain level of heart transformation toward Christ. So, with that, I've decided to post a few truths of the gospel and how these truths should affect the way we approach our marriages.  

Truth #1: 
We all struggle with sin

The gospel reminds us that we all fall short of God's glorious standards.  Now, if we have believed on the gospel, this is not held against us in the eternal sense.  Because of our faith in Christ, we have his righteousness imputed upon us so we get to experience communion with God in this life and also in the next.  However, that doesn't negate the fact that we all will wrestle with a tendency to sin while we are on earth.  Paul says that anyone who says that he does not sin is deceiving himself.  So the point remains, we all struggle with sin.

How This Affects Marriage: Remembering that we all struggle with sin helps bring the focus back to our own issues instead of our spouses.  So often in marriage we think that if our spouse changed in a certain regard then things would be ok.  But, inevitably, all this thinking does is fix our thoughts on what is wrong with our spouse, conveniently forgetting that we have our own issues as well.  If you blame your spouse for the issues in your marriage, then this may be a part of the gospel you need to meditate on some more.  When you realize that you are also an imperfect person, it helps to lessen your impatience with the imperfections of your spouse.

Action Step:  Before you want to get riled up about what your spouse is doing or not doing, think about where you personally fall short in your marriage so you can gain a better perspective and approach the situation with a more gentle heart.  If you are having a hard time identifying your issues, pray daily for God to reveal them to you and how they affect your marriage. Ask for forgiveness for these things as well as an extra measure of humility as you work out your issues with your spouse.  Remember, the person who recognizes their own need for forgiveness is able to forgive others more easily and more fully. 

Truth #2: 
While we were sinners, Christ died for us

Christ's sacrifice for us was not when we were being "good."   If I think about my own story, Jesus pursued my heart when I was a total wreck of a person, happily giving him the proverbial middle finger.  Even now, God remains faithful in my life even when I'm stubborn and a straight up jerk.  He consistently offers me love, grace and forgiveness even in my very worst moments.  I don't deserve the incredible love and kindness He gives me, and neither do you.

How This Affects Marriage:  Remembering God's love and sacrifice for us in spite of our own failings helps us realize that we can't wait for our spouses to behave the way we want in order for us to love them, serve them or give sacrificially to them.  Our responsibility to reflect the love of Christ to our spouse has absolutely nothing to do with our spouses' actions.  It can't be a tit for tat thing.  God doesn't treat us that way and we shouldn't treat our spouses that way either.

Action Step:
There may be a time where your husband or wife legitimately does something that hurts you.  Your instinct might be to withhold love in order to teach them a lesson or get them to change.  Don't be fooled - this tactic will only create more distance between you both! Instead, think about Jesus' sacrifice for you and ask for God's help to love and serve your spouse even though you are hurt.  When we choose to follow God's wisdom in dealing with conflict and offense, He will bring the resolution and reconciliation that our marriages need.

Truth #3: 
The Holy Spirit helps us do what God wants us to do

This is a really important part of the gospel message and an aspect, in my opinion, that is too often left out of the equation. As believers, we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us that helps accomplish God's plan for our lives.  It is the Holy Spirit that transforms us into the image of God day by day, not our own motivation and will power.  The only thing we have to do is position ourselves to connect with God and be filled with the Holy Spirit every day.  What do I mean when I say "position ourselves"?  Well, really it comes down to doing anything that increases your love and affection for Jesus.  Some examples include praying, reading the Bible, putting on a great worship cd and singing your heart out to Him, or stepping outside of your own concerns and serving others.  

How This Affects Marriage: There is no way on God's green earth that we can sustainably love our spouses the way He wants us to without the help of the Holy Spirit.  I don't know about you, but I don't pop out of bed every morning with a completely yielded heart to God, ready to be 100% selfless and loving toward my husband.  If we try to love and serve others out of our own strength, we will inevitably come to a place of exhaustion, impatience and resentment.

Action Step:  On a daily basis we need to take time to connect with God.  This action step is the most crucial because it is the foundation for all the other actions steps I've mentioned today.  Invite God's presence into your day and into your marriage by spending quality time with Him alone.  It's also important to connect spiritually with your spouse throughout the week by reading the bible together, prayer, worship night etc.  Investing in your spiritual health individually and as a couple will do wonders for your marriage.

That's all for today, folks! Wishing you a purposeful, passionate, rockin' marriage with Jesus at the center.  Love to you each!


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