For the List Makers

I have to admit, I'm such a list maker.  Accused of being a Type A personality, I go on the defensive.  "No, no.  I'm more of an A-/ B+ type of personality", I'd say.  All the while having a list as long as Rapunzel's hair driving my every moment.  And let's not even get started on the Cheshire cat-like grin that overtakes my face as something gets crossed off.  "Success" I can feel my body saying.  "Now you are safe."  My glory moment lasts for a blink of an eye, and then overwhelm and determination take over once again.  On to the next task.

The lies I allow myself to believe.  The lies that tell me that I'll get to my quiet time with God, but first I need to make that one "important" phone call or make sure the dishes are loaded in the dishwasher.  The lies that tell me there's nothing wrong with this neurotic tendency - that's how I got where I am, after all.  I'm reliable, I follow through, I get things done. You can count on me.

These lies aren't loud. No.  I'm too smart for that.  I know God is first.  I know I can trust Him with my day.  But these lies are buried somewhere deep inside.  This fear of not doing enough.  Of letting things slip through the cracks.  Of being to blame if my life doesn't end up where I hope it will be.  These lies are subtle.  Nudging me ever so gently until I'm at a point of no return - fully immersed in my list that so easily chokes the God out of my day. 

So today, I stop.

I stop allowing my task list to control me.  I stop believing the lies.  I stop trying to subtly control my future.

Today, I stop running from the call of God on my life.

Alright God. You win.