They help you realize that some of your guy "friends" really aren't friends at all.
Alright, so we're just gonna jump right into this one. Ladies, you can't go on dates with someone just because you're bored. I know its a Saturday night. I know you're on a just-out-of-college-and-can't-find-a-job-budget and would really appreciate a nice dinner and a martini on someone else's dime. But come on, have a little integrity here. It's not cool to mislead someone just for a free meal. And no, you're not in the clear even if you are "just friends" and you've told him you aren't interested in him "like that." You know he's into you. Guys do not, and I repeat, do NOT take girls out on fancy dates and spend money on them because they want a new pal.
Boy oh boy, I was the queen of this madness when I was single. I'd accumulated a lot of male "friends" along the course of my life, most of whom I'd made out with at least once. And if I hadn't made out with them, it was probably because they weren't cute enough. I know I know. I'm an upstanding human being. What can I say. :)
So what if that make out session was a long time ago. He is still just a friend now, right?
Wrong. With the help of God and my girlfriends, I realized how most of these guys weren't really my friends at all. We didn't provide each other emotional support like real friends do. They surely didn't encourage me in my growth as a godly woman. In most cases, they were simply an outlet for me to receive attention and/or entertainment from a man who should not have been lingering in my life in the first place.
So there they went. I stopped dating for entertainment. I started being real with myself about who was really a friend. I started building my intimacy with God whenever I felt lonely or bored or restless. And slowly but surely, the names in my address book started to dwindle and, without me even realizing it, God was making room for the man He really had for my life.
so TIP OF THE DAY, ladies: If you want to figure out if your guy friend is really your friend, ask yourself these two questions:
If I had a boyfriend, would I double date with this friend?
If I would double date with this friend, would there be any awkwardness at all for me or him or our new significant others?
If the answer is no to the first question or yes to the second, he's really not just a friend.
And it's time to kick him to the curb!
Alright, so we're just gonna jump right into this one. Ladies, you can't go on dates with someone just because you're bored. I know its a Saturday night. I know you're on a just-out-of-college-and-can't-find-a-job-budget and would really appreciate a nice dinner and a martini on someone else's dime. But come on, have a little integrity here. It's not cool to mislead someone just for a free meal. And no, you're not in the clear even if you are "just friends" and you've told him you aren't interested in him "like that." You know he's into you. Guys do not, and I repeat, do NOT take girls out on fancy dates and spend money on them because they want a new pal.
Boy oh boy, I was the queen of this madness when I was single. I'd accumulated a lot of male "friends" along the course of my life, most of whom I'd made out with at least once. And if I hadn't made out with them, it was probably because they weren't cute enough. I know I know. I'm an upstanding human being. What can I say. :)
So what if that make out session was a long time ago. He is still just a friend now, right?
Wrong. With the help of God and my girlfriends, I realized how most of these guys weren't really my friends at all. We didn't provide each other emotional support like real friends do. They surely didn't encourage me in my growth as a godly woman. In most cases, they were simply an outlet for me to receive attention and/or entertainment from a man who should not have been lingering in my life in the first place.
So there they went. I stopped dating for entertainment. I started being real with myself about who was really a friend. I started building my intimacy with God whenever I felt lonely or bored or restless. And slowly but surely, the names in my address book started to dwindle and, without me even realizing it, God was making room for the man He really had for my life.
so TIP OF THE DAY, ladies: If you want to figure out if your guy friend is really your friend, ask yourself these two questions:
If I had a boyfriend, would I double date with this friend?
If I would double date with this friend, would there be any awkwardness at all for me or him or our new significant others?
If the answer is no to the first question or yes to the second, he's really not just a friend.
And it's time to kick him to the curb!
Wow, great questions! I love your points and totally agree.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE THIS!! Love the honesty. Seriously this hit close to home/was totally me a few semesters ago! WOW like to the T lol. My favorite part "building my intimacy with God whenever I felt lonely or bored or restless" because thats about all you can do when your staying in on a Saturday night (or hang with your girlfriends and other Jesus-loving people)
ReplyDeleteThank you Lord for this honest, relatable, and sincere blog!
Totally possible to have a "true" friendship with a guy - to have the answers to both questions be "no". I've had that amazingly awesome guy-friend with no further interest between us. Here's the caveat: even though it's possible, you need to consider - how does this story end? and am I ok with that?
ReplyDeleteHere's how it ends: if at some point you or he get serious about someone or married, your friendship can't continue at the current level of intimacy without the potential of serious harm to the romantic relationship/marriage. Do you still have a friendship? Sure. Double dates, sure. But, it will never be the same as it was when it was just you and him. And, that can be kind of sad if you're not prepared for it.
I'm not advocating against having friendships with men - if that's truly what they are, because I think women can benefit from having "brothers" who do encourage them in their faith and are true friends. I would just agree with Nicole: proceed with caution, check, double-check your heart, and guard it carefully.
as always, love your thoughts!! and love your questions. maybe one of your blogs could just be a series of questions that you think would possibly lead the reader to their own revelation? that is one of your most unique strengths- the ability to ask the right questions.
ReplyDelete